Your Inner Critic Is
Full of Shit.
The journey of self-awareness often leads us to confront our inner critic, a pervasive voice that can infuse our minds with self-blame and negative self-talk. This internal adversary can erode our self-trust and impede our ability to recover from stress and trauma.
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Overcoming the Inner Critic & Self-Blame
The inner critic is an intrinsic part of our psyche, recognizable across cultures and individuals. It manifests as a voice that casts doubt, criticizes, and judges our actions and thoughts. Phrases like “You’re not capable” or “You’ll never be accepted” are common refrains of this internal adversary.
Origins of the Inner Critic
At its core, the inner critic arises from our fundamental human need to belong and connect with others. Our early life experiences, particularly those involving social interactions, shape our perception of self-worth and acceptance. When these experiences are nurturing, they foster a sense of inner security. Conversely, negative experiences can seed doubts about our worthiness and capabilities.
Inner Critic Fuel:
Guilt, Self- Blame & Shame
Guilt and shame are potent tools used by societies to enforce conformity. These emotions are deeply intertwined with the fear of social isolation and can trigger the inner critic to preempt external judgment or rejection.
The Inner Critic & Brain Flexibility
The brain’s ability to form and reinforce neural pathways through repeated experiences means that constant exposure to negative feedback can strengthen the inner critic. This neuroplasticity underscores the repetitive nature of self-critical thoughts.
The Impact of Social Learning,
Culture & Norms
Social & cultural norms play a significant role in molding our behavior through the dual forces of acceptance and rejection. We learn to adapt our behavior to fit into our social milieu, often internalizing the fear of rejection. This fear can manifest as an inner voice that cautions or criticizes us to prevent social exclusion.
Shifting Perspective
Recognizing that the inner critic is but a fragment of our broader self is crucial. This perspective enables us to address this aspect with mindfulness and understanding, reducing its dominance over our thoughts and emotions.
Overcoming Your Inner Critic
The process of transforming the inner critic is not just about silencing a negative voice; it’s about cultivating a more compassionate and accepting inner dialogue. It’s about learning to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a good friend. This shift in perspective is not just healing; it’s empowering. It enables us to embrace our imperfections, learn from our mistakes, and appreciate our unique journey.
Personal Responsibility & Empowerment
Although the development of the inner critic is often beyond our control, we have the power to consciously choose how we respond to this internal voice.
Practicing Self-Compassion
Counter the inner critic with self-compassion, acknowledging that it does not define your true self.
Cultivating Mindful Observation
Learn to identify when the inner critic is active and observe its messages without immediate reaction.
Reframing Inner Dialogue
Actively challenge and reframe the inner critic’s assertions with more realistic and positive perspectives.
Professional Guidance
Consider therapy or support groups to develop effective strategies for managing the inner critic and fostering a healthier internal conversation.
Final Thoughts
Understanding that the inner critic is a common human experience can be liberating. It allows us to realize that we are not alone in our struggles with self-doubt and self-criticism. This realization opens the door to a community of shared experiences and support, where one can find both solace and practical advice. Ultimately, the goal is not to eradicate the inner critic entirely – as it can sometimes offer valuable insights – but to reduce its negative impact. By developing a balanced relationship with this part of ourselves, we can move towards a more harmonious and self-compassionate life, marked by resilience and a deeper understanding of our intrinsic worth.
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FAQ's About Therapy in New Jersey
How do I get started as a new client?
New Clients can reach out to us directly via call, text or email here:
What is your cancellation policy?
We ask that clients provide at least 24 hours notice in the event that they need to cancel to avoid the 50% cancellation fee. we understand that life happens and do our best to be flexible & reschedule.
Does my insurance cover my visits?
We provide”Courtesy Billing” for clients who are using the Out-of-network insurance benefits.
Our Insurance Page shares a small blurb about Why We Left Insurance Panels
Do you offer traditional talk therapy?
of course! though we have some unconventional therapy approaches, we are rooted in evidenced based practices. Talk therapy is a major player in the therapy room! See What we Treat and Integrative Services for more information
Is Online Therapy As Effective As In-Person Therapy?
Online therapy is essentially face-to-face counseling, just conducted remotely. Studies show that teletherapy is as effective as traditional counseling. Professional organizations and state governments recognize its benefits and have set regulations for it. However, like any therapy, its success in achieving your goals isn’t guaranteed. It’s important to discuss with your therapist whether teletherapy is working for you.
Can I Change Therapists If I'm Not Happy?
Yes, you can switch therapists to another provider within the practice, or we can provide you a referral if preferred. We want to ensure that your time and effort are well spent, and that you are getting the relief you need, that’s why we work collaboratively with each other in the practice, as well as outside therapists who we know and trust.
How Do I Know If Therapy Is Helping?
You should feel like you’re making progress. Signs it’s working include:
Feeling comfortable talking to your therapist
Your therapist respects boundaries
You’re moving towards your goals
You feel listened to
You’re doing better in life
Your self-esteem is getting better
Is Online Therapy Easy to Use for Non-Tech-Savvy People?
Yes, it’s pretty simple to access sessions. You’ll need basic internet skills, such as opening and visiting the patient link sent to you via email. It’s similar to video chatting like Facetime or Zoom. We can also walk you through it on the phone the first time to ensure a strong connection
What Questions Should I Ask My New Therapist?
Feel free to ask anything. Some good questions are:
- How often will we meet?
- What do you specialize in?
- What experience do you have with my issue?
- What outcomes can I expect?
- How will I know I’m progressing?
- How long do you usually work with clients?
- How will we set my treatment goals?
How Should I Prepare for My First Session?
Showing up is all that you need to do! But if you really want to get the most out of session, it could help to take some time to think about what you want from therapy. It helps to write down your goals, questions you have or things that you feel are important to share.
What is the difference between associate therapists & fully licensed therapists?
Our Qualifications:
Our founder, Rebecca Sidoti, is a highly qualified, state-licensed therapist and supervisor with extensive training in anxiety related disorders and innovative treatment such as Ketamine Therapy. Mind by Design Counseling adheres to standards set by the our governing counseling boards.
To see each providers credentials, training and licenses, visit our “Meet the Therapists” Page to learn more.
- LAC/LSW are therapists who may practice clinical work under the supervision of a fully licensed therapist.
- LPC/LCSW are therapists who have completed the necessary clinical hours post-graduation under supervision and can practice clinical work independently.
What Geographic Areas Are Served?
Currently, we serve clients in New Jersey and are expanding to other states as telehealth laws evolve. While telehealth offers the convenience of attending sessions from anywhere, state laws require clients to be in-state during their session.
Is Virtual Counseling Suitable for Everyone?
Online therapy might not be as effective for individuals with chronic suicidal thoughts, severe trauma, significant mental health history, or those recently in intensive care. Such cases often benefit more from traditional, in-person counseling. We’ll help you decide if our online services are right for you during your intake and evaluation.
What Equipment is Needed for Online Therapy?
To join a session, log in using the credentials we provide. No downloads are needed. Our platform, compatible with both individual and group sessions, requires:
A computer or mobile device with a webcam and internet access.
We’ll help you test your setup before your first appointment to ensure a reliable connection. iOS users should use the Safari browser for mobile and tablet sessions.
What Questions Will Therapists Ask Me?
It depends on your goals. Expect questions about your thoughts, feelings, relationships, work, school, and health. They’ll ask to understand your therapy goals.
How Do You Keep Client Information Secure?
Security and Confidentiality of Sessions:
Your privacy is crucial to us. We use TherapyNotes, a HIPAA-compliant platform, ensuring secure and confidential teletherapy sessions. This platform’s security features include encrypted video connections, secure data transfers, and encrypted databases, ensuring your information is safe at all times.
What is VRT used for?
we use VRT to support Exposure Therapy, a long standing traditional therapy modality to treat phobias, anxiety and stress. we send a headset directly to your home so you can access VRT from anywhere.
VRT not only helps with exposure therapy for phobias, but is great for ADHD, mindfulness, PTSD and social anxiety.