POLYVAGAL THEORY:
8 Co-Regulation Skills
For Healthy Relationships
Rebecca Sidoti, LCSW
OCD & Anxiety
Ketamine Therapist
VR Therapist
Caroline Goodhines
Learn more →
Molly Weaver
Learn more →
Denise Spivey
Learn more →
Therapy Options
By applying the principles of the Polyvagal Theory in co-regulation, we can better navigate the complex challenges commonly experienced in relationships. It allows us to understand and respond to our emotional states and those of others with greater empathy and effectiveness, fostering deeper connections and aiding in the healing journey.
The Impact of Trauma on Co-Regulation & Relationships
Understanding Trauma
Trauma can be thought of as a psychological injury that disrupts our autonomic nervous system, the part of us that unconsciously controls bodily functions. This disruption can leave us in a heightened state of alert, making it challenging to relax and connect with others.
Prolonged Impact on Healthy Relationships
The prolonged impact of trauma can ripple through our personal relationships and overall well-being. It can lead to feelings of isolation, difficulty in trusting others, and challenges in maintaining healthy relationships.
Survival Mode
When trauma keeps our autonomic nervous system in constant survival mode, it’s like having an alarm system that’s always on. This state can make it difficult to form safe and secure connections, as we’re perpetually prepared for danger.
Building Co-Regulated Relationships
Identifying Co-Regulating Partners
Foster environments where vulnerability is welcomed and respected. This could be a physical space or an emotional one, where open communication and emotional honesty are encouraged.
Creating Safe Spaces for Co-Regulation
Look for individuals who are empathetic, patient, and understanding. These are people who can sit with you in your emotions without judgment or discomfort.
Defining Co-Regulation through Polyvagal Theory
Co-regulation is the process by which our interactions with others help regulate our emotional and physiological states. It’s a mutual exchange of comfort, support, and understanding.
Biological Basis for Connection
Our biology is inherently wired for connection. The autonomic nervous system plays a crucial role in co-regulation, helping us attune to others’ emotional states and vice versa.
The Role of Safe Relationships
Safe, supportive relationships can be instrumental in rewiring a nervous system affected by trauma. These relationships provide a foundation for trust and security, allowing for healing and growth.
Practical Exercises for Co-Regulation
These activities are designed to enhance mutual understanding and support, creating a harmonious rhythm in our relationships. Let’s explore some practical exercises that can foster co-regulation:
Shared Mindfulness
Engage in activities that encourage mindfulness, such as meditation, yoga, or even a simple walk in nature. Doing these activities together helps both individuals become present in the moment, fostering a sense of joint focus and tranquility.
Physical Connection
Simple gestures like holding hands, hugging, or a gentle touch can be incredibly powerful. These actions release oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone,’ which can create a sense of trust and bonding.
Quiet Companionship
Sometimes, the most powerful connection comes from simply being together in silence. Sit with each other, sharing the same space without the pressure of conversation. This presence can offer immense comfort and a sense of safety.
Reflective Listening
Engage in conversations where one person speaks while the other listens attentively, then reflects back what they heard. This exercise enhances understanding and empathy, showing that both parties are seen and heard.
Synchronized Breathing
This exercise is a beautiful way to connect non-verbally. Sit face-to-face with a partner and focus on synchronizing your breathing. Inhale and exhale together, finding a shared rhythm. This practice can create a deep sense of connection and calm, aligning your emotional states.
Mutual Support Tasks
Engage in tasks that require teamwork, such as assembling furniture or planning an event. These tasks necessitate communication, problem-solving together, and reliance on each other’s strengths
Joint Creative Projects
Engaging in creative activities together, like painting, cooking, or gardening, can be a fun way to connect. These activities require cooperation and often lead to a natural flow of communication and mutual support.
Eye Contact Exercise
Maintaining gentle eye contact for a set period can deepen connection and understanding. This exercise, while simple, can be profoundly moving, fostering a sense of closeness and empathy.
Overcoming Challenges in
Co-Regulation
Encouraging Personal Reflection for Effective Co-Regulation
Take a moment to pause and reflect on your own journey with connection, vulnerability and the role of trauma. Trauma, in its many forms, often leaves a hidden imprint on our lives, influencing how we interact with the world and those around us. Think about the times you’ve faced challenges, the moments of distress, and the instances where you felt overwhelmed. How have these experiences shaped your view of relationships?
Consider the role that your relationships have played in your healing process
Have there been people in your life who provided a sense of safety and understanding when you needed it most? Think about the conversations that sparked a turning point in your healing, or the silent presence of someone that offered comfort without words
Conversely, reflect on the times when relationships may have added to your struggles.
Were there moments where you felt misunderstood, judged, or alone? Understanding these dynamics can be crucial in recognizing patterns and making conscious choices about the people you surround yourself with.
Ask yourself:
- Who are the people that have helped me feel heard and understood?
- In what ways have my relationships contributed to my sense of safety and well-being?
- Are there instances where I felt my trauma was disregarded or misunderstood by others?
- How have I changed in the context of my relationships since experiencing trauma?
- What qualities do I now value in my relationships that perhaps I didn’t before?
- This reflection is not just about understanding the past; it’s about shaping your future.
Recognizing the impact of your experiences, beliefs and perceptions will empower you to seek out and nurture connections that are truly healing and supportive.
Final Thoughts on Co-Regulating Skills for Relationships
If you’re dealing with trauma, remember the importance of professional guidance in building co-regulated relationships. You’re not alone on this journey.
Healing through connection and co-regulation is not just a possibility; it’s a pathway that many have walked successfully.
See What Our Clients Are Saying about Our Unconventional Therapy
FAQ's About Online Therapy in New Jersey
Where are you located? I need a therapist near me
We are fully online, which means that your therapy sessions will be help via video call on our HIPAA compliant Platform. Anyone in New Jersey can access our therapy services
How do I get started as a new client?
New Clients can reach out to us directly via call, text or email here:
Does my insurance cover my visits?
We provide”Courtesy Billing” for clients who are using the Out-of-network insurance benefits.
Our Insurance Page might answer your questions about your insurance information, cost and OON coverage.
What are out-of-network benefits?
Visits our FAQ About Insurance to learn more about OON coverage for mental health services. We can also check your benefits for you. When using OON benefits, patients typically pay the full cost of the treatment upfront and then file a claim with their insurance company for reimbursement.
Is Online Therapy As Effective As In-Person Therapy?
Online therapy is essentially face-to-face counseling, just conducted remotely. Studies show that tele-therapy is as effective as traditional counseling. Professional organizations and state governments recognize its benefits and have set regulations for it. However, like any therapy, its success in achieving your goals isn’t guaranteed. It’s important to discuss with your therapist whether tele-therapy is working for you.
How Should I Prepare for My First Session?
Showing up is all that you need to do! But if you really want to get the most out of session, it could help to take some time to think about what you want from therapy. It helps to write down your goals, questions you have or things that you feel are important to share.
Do you offer traditional talk therapy?
of course! though we have some unconventional therapy approaches, we are rooted in evidenced based practices. Talk therapy is a major player in the therapy room! See What we Treat and Integrative Services for more information
Is Virtual Counseling Suitable for Everyone?
Online therapy might not be as effective for individuals with chronic suicidal thoughts, severe trauma, significant mental health history, or those recently in intensive care. Such cases often benefit more from traditional, in-person counseling. We’ll help you decide if our online services are right for you during your intake and evaluation.
Can I Change Therapists If I'm Not Happy?
Yes, you can switch therapists to another provider within the practice, or we can provide you a referral if preferred. We want to ensure that your time and effort are well spent, and that you are getting the relief you need, that’s why we work collaboratively with each other in the practice, as well as outside therapists who we know and trust.
How Do I Know If Therapy Is Helping?
You should feel like you’re making progress. Signs it’s working include:
- Feeling comfortable talking to your therapist
- Your therapist respects boundaries
- You’re moving towards your goals
- You feel listened to
You’re doing better in life - Your self-esteem is getting better
What is your cancellation policy?
We ask that clients provide at least 24 hours notice in the event that they need to cancel to avoid the 50% cancellation fee. we understand that life happens and do our best to be flexible & reschedule.
What Geographic Areas Are Served?
Currently, we serve clients in New Jersey and are expanding to other states as telehealth laws evolve. While telehealth offers the convenience of attending sessions from anywhere, state laws require clients to be in-state during their session.
Is Online Therapy Easy to Use for Non-Tech-Savvy People?
Yes, it’s pretty simple to access sessions. You’ll need basic internet skills, such as opening and visiting the patient link sent to you via email. It’s similar to video chatting like Facetime or Zoom. We can also walk you through it on the phone the first time to ensure a strong connection
What Questions Should I Ask My New Therapist?
Feel free to ask anything. Some good questions are:
- How often will we meet?
- What do you specialize in?
- What experience do you have with my issue?
- What outcomes can I expect?
- How will I know I’m progressing?
- How long do you usually work with clients?
- How will we set my treatment goals?
What is the difference between associate therapists & fully licensed therapists?
Our Qualifications:
Our founder, Rebecca Sidoti, is a highly qualified, state-licensed therapist and supervisor with extensive training in anxiety related disorders and innovative treatment such as Ketamine Therapy. Mind by Design Counseling adheres to standards set by the our governing counseling boards.
To see each providers credentials, training and licenses, visit our “Meet the Therapists” Page to learn more.
- LAC/LSW are therapists who may practice clinical work under the supervision of a fully licensed therapist.
- LPC/LCSW are therapists who have completed the necessary clinical hours post-graduation under supervision and can practice clinical work independently.
➜ Read More
Our Areas of Speciality
Therapy for Anxiety
Anxiety therapy is one of the most common reasons individuals come to therapy, and our expert therapists are ready to help you overcome anxiety and reclaim your life.
Therapy for OCD
Online therapy for OCD gives clients the skills to break from the patterns of OCD, employing proven strategies to overcome OCD & reclaim the joy of life.
Therapy for Depression
Getting therapy for depression may feel overwhelming, but our depression therapists are compassionate and effective in treatment for depression in New Jersey.
Therapy for Stress
Therapy for stress management will help you adapt how you respond to life’s challenges, allowing you to live with more peace, focus, and joy.
Therapy for Phobias
Online therapy for phobias helps clients manage and overcome fear and panic. Our dedicated team is here to support you on your journey to reclaim your life.
Therapy for Trauma
Trauma Counseling serves as a valuable tool for individuals struggling with symptoms related to PTSD & stress.
Therapy for Grief
Online grief counseling offers a space to understand and process your feelings, ensuring that whatever the source of your grief, you’re not navigating this journey alone.
Therapy for Teens
Online therapy for teens includes options for creative art therapies, VR therapy as well as traditional talk therapy for teens.
Our Therapy Approaches
Ketamine Assisted Therapy
Ketamine Assisted Therapy has been shown to reduce the symptoms of PTSD, depression, anxiety, chronic pain and more.
Virtual Reality Therapy
Virtual Reality Therapy helps clients overcome phobias, anxiety disorders, and other mental health conditions by exposing them to their fears in a controlled, safe environment.
Expressive Art Therapy
Art can be a helpful support tool in therapy to help with communication, expression, mindfulness & grounding.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
CBT is present-focused, making it especially effective for those seeking tangible results.
Emotion-Focused Therapy
In EFT sessions, the therapist and client work together & the therapist assists clients in deciphering their emotions rather than imposing interpretations.
Exposure Therapy
Through exposure therapy, our therapists will introduce you to the very things that trigger your fear.
What is the "Pay What You Can" Program?
Our Pay What You Can Program allows clients to work with graduate-level clinical interns for therapy services. Instead of a fixed fee, clients decide how much they can comfortably pay, with no minimum payment required.
Who will I work through the "Pay What You Can" Program?
You’ll work with our carefully selected and supervised graduate-level clinical interns. These interns are completing their clinical training and work under the guidance of licensed therapists to ensure high-quality care.
Is there a minimum payment required?
No, there is no minimum payment. You decide the amount that fits your financial situation.
How do I choose what to pay?
Consider what feels manageable for your budget and reflects the value you place on therapy. We encourage honesty and transparency in selecting a fee that supports both your financial needs and our interns’ work.
Will my payment affect the quality of therapy I receive?
No, the quality of therapy remains consistent regardless of what you pay. Our interns are committed to providing excellent care and are closely supervised by licensed professionals.
No, there are no hidden fees or future obligations. The payment amount is entirely up to you.
What if my financial situation changes?
If your financial situation changes, you can adjust your payment at any time. Just let us know, and we’ll work with you to find a new arrangement.
How do I get started with the Pay What You Can Program?
Simply contact us to schedule an initial consultation. We’ll match you with one of our clinical interns and guide you through the process of selecting your fee.
Click to:
Why do you offer Affordable Therapy?
We believe therapy should be accessible to everyone, regardless of financial circumstances. This program allows us to serve a broader community while providing valuable training opportunities for future therapists.
Can Anyone Benefit from Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy?
KAP has shown promise for individuals with treatment-resistant depression and certain anxiety disorders. However, its efficacy can vary from person to person.
What Can Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy Help to Treat??
Ketamine has shown promise in treating various mental health conditions, including PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Phobias and OCD. As Ketamine therapy providers, we offer this service to help clients break cycles of thinking traps that lead to compulsive behaviors.
Is KAP the same as Ketamine infusions?
KAP is a therapeutic approach that combines the use of ketamine with psychotherapy. Our Process of providing ketamine assisted psychotherapy is different from ketamine infusions, which are typically administered without the accompanying psychotherapy. Our partnership with Journey Clinical provides patients with lozenges for self-administering their Ketamine dose prescribed by the Journey Clinical provider.
Is Ketamine Addictive?
While ketamine has the potential for misuse, when used in a controlled medical setting for therapeutic purposes, the risk of addiction is considered low according to medical researchers
What Neurotransmitters are effected by Ketamine?
Ketamine works by blocking NMDA receptors in the brain, which can lead to an increase in the release of certain neurotransmitters. This can result in rapid antidepressant effects
How does ketamine compare to other psychedelic medicines?
Ketamine is unique in its rapid antidepressant effects and mechanism of action. Other psychedelics, like psilocybin, have different mechanisms and therapeutic potentials.
How often would KAP be needed?
The frequency of KAP sessions would depend on the individual’s response to treatment and the medical provider’s recommendations.
What medical conditions might disqualify someone from KAP?
Certain medical conditions, such as uncontrolled hypertension or a history of psychosis, might be contraindications for KAP. See Our “Safety Measures” page for more information about the precautions that the medical team adheres to, along with other safety measure sin place.
How many ketamine treatment sessions do clients need for KAP?
The number of sessions can vary based on individual needs and the specific protocol followed by the provider. For Full details, visit the “Our Process” page. Generally 2-3 sessions are held prior to a dosing session, and then integration sessions are held after a dosing session. Depending on your treatment plan, there may be more or less number of sessions
