Divorce Therapy: How To Navigate Life After Divorce
The first 2 years of divorce tend to be the toughest on mental health, but this varies based on the individual circumstance surrounding the divorce & their reasons for coming to Divorce therapy. Typically, any major life crisis or major life adjustment takes 18-24 months, and the timeline of adjusting to life after divorce is not much different. Divorce therapy helps individuals understand what is ‘typical’ or ‘to be expected’ after divorce, and what isn’t so you know when to seek out professional support.
It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated and confused—and these feelings can be intense. However, if you are experiencing intense symptoms of anxiety (panic attacks, worrisome, racing thoughts), intense symptoms of depression ( overwhelming fatigue, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, irrational or intrusive thoughts) or changes in your appetite, sleep or other mental health symptoms, you should seek out support and hep from a qualified professional.
Divorces Impact on Physical Health
Research has noted that divorced men and women suffer higher rates of mental and medical issues along with increased substance misuse compared to married individuals. Both men and women may experience stress related pain or illness, such as stomach issues, nerve pain and muscle tension. Although both men and women are equally vulnerable to stress, there are some gender differences in how this stress manifests into health-related issues.
Studies have shown that men are less likely to seek out social and emotional support, therefore they may experience more health issues and prolonged mental health symptoms. Though women seek out social support and professional help more frequently than men, women are more prone to financial stress after a divorce. Chronic stress takes a major toll on the bodies immune system, therefore both men and women must be mindful of their stress management efforts.
Other Sources of Stress after Divorce
Addressed in divorce therapy
- Financial Stress
- Co-Parenting
- Loss of Friends/Community
- Changes to Routine
- Changes to Health Insurance
- Relocating
- Balancing work-like demands
What is Divorce Therapy
Divorce therapy addresses an individual’s areas of wellness through a holistic lens, addressing social, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial and occupational needs. It is common for divorced individuals to experience a wide range of feelings including depression, anxiety, fear, denial, confusion, anger and sadness. Often, the process of coping with divorce is compared to the stages of grief. Divorce Therapy generally follows these guides to help individuals cope after their divorce:
Goals of Divorce Therapy
1. Psychoeducation
- Provided to help clients understand how the divorce has affected them
- Normalize the range of emotions they may be experiencing
2. Symptom Management & Coping Skills
- Reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression
- Identify and practice skills to help during adjustment period
- Address symptoms related to anxiety and depression, including thinking patterns, unhealthy/maladaptive behaviors
3. Process grief & support transitions
- Deconstruct the factors that led to divorce, and how this informs the clients perspective today
- Address any issues of self-esteem, guilt and shame
- Address the “grief stages” commonly experienced 1-2 years post-divorce
- Set-up Effective Co-parenting
4. Rebuild & Restore
- Build up a social support network of friends and engage in interest and hobbies
- Restore client’s sense of belonging and security
- Establish and maintain a healthy routine
- Address new roles and identities post-divorce
Rebecca Sidoti, LCSW
VR Therapist
OCD & Anxiety Expert
Kristin Justice, LAC
Grief & Loss
Women’s Mental Health
Stress & Adjustments
Caroline Goodhines
Maria Rice
Denise Spivey
Post-Divorce Mental Health Support is Here for you
Strategies for Coping With Divorce
Guided breathing or meditation
Breath work & meditation helps increase mindfulness. Mindfulness is the act of being aware of on immediate physical sensations around you.
Self-care
Take care of yourself emotionally and physically.
Take time out to exercise, eat well and relax.
Be good to yourself and to your body.
Avoid power struggles
Effectively communicating & setting boundaries can lessen arguments & tension
Practice Self Compassion
Keep reasonable expectations will make this transition easier. Be easy on yourself & understand that you may not be performing at 100%. The process of healing is not linear & takes time.
Use Social SUpports
When looking for someone to talk to, choose another adult. The stressors that come with divorce can be too much for children to handle.
Create new traditions
Holidays may feel especially difficult. Get creative with new traditions. Involve kids in planning new traditions to help them process changes.
Establish New Routines
Making your routine predictable and reasonable allows for you to focus on other needs, like self-care and mental health
Therapists are trained to help you sort your feelings & improve your emotional health. Working with a therapist can help shift perspective & create a sense of empowerment.
Strategies for Coping With Divorce
Other Strategies Recommended in Divorce Therapy
- Avoid making major decisions or changes in life plans.
- Limit or avoid substance use
- Take time to explore your interests.
- Reconnect with things you enjoy doing & make time for hobbies
Talking To Your Kids About divorce
If you have children, there are a few things to keep in mind as you help them to also navigate life after divorce:
Reassure, share & listen
You may think that your child would never believe they caused your divorce, but it’s important that you verbalize this to your child.
Ease their concerns through reflective listening, answering questions and sharing openly.
Be consistent
Co-Parenting is hard, but making routines and agreements regarding the children can help everyone in the family to feel more stable.
This includes house rules, rewards and consequences, bedtimes, curfews and other common decisions.
This can also help parents from feeling undermined by each other
Share age-appropriate information
Just as adults feel comfortable when things are predictable, kids can also be kept in the loop about what is happening. Children often feel anxious and unsure about how the divorce will impact them, their living situation, and their relationships. Letting them know what changes are coming in an age-appropriate way can make a great difference in their emotional health
Divorce is a life-altering event, therefore the challenges that divorce may bring can offer a chance for personal growth, self-exploration and personal development.
Reaching out for divorce therapy is your first step towards healing.
How do I get started as a new client?
New Clients can reach out to us directly via call, text or email here:
What is your cancellation policy?
We ask that clients provide at least 24 hours notice in the event that they need to cancel to avoid the 50% cancellation fee. we understand that life happens and do our best to be flexible & reschedule.
Does my insurance cover my visits?
We provide”Courtesy Billing” for clients who are using the Out-of-network insurance benefits.
Our Insurance Page shares a small blurb about Why We Left Insurance Panels
Do you offer traditional talk therapy?
of course! though we have some unconventional therapy approaches, we are rooted in evidenced based practices. Talk therapy is a major player in the therapy room! See What we Treat and Integrative Services for more information
Is Online Therapy As Effective As In-Person Therapy?
Online therapy is essentially face-to-face counseling, just conducted remotely. Studies show that teletherapy is as effective as traditional counseling. Professional organizations and state governments recognize its benefits and have set regulations for it. However, like any therapy, its success in achieving your goals isn’t guaranteed. It’s important to discuss with your therapist whether teletherapy is working for you.
Can I Change Therapists If I'm Not Happy?
Yes, you can switch therapists to another provider within the practice, or we can provide you a referral if preferred. We want to ensure that your time and effort are well spent, and that you are getting the relief you need, that’s why we work collaboratively with each other in the practice, as well as outside therapists who we know and trust.
How Do I Know If Therapy Is Helping?
You should feel like you’re making progress. Signs it’s working include:
Feeling comfortable talking to your therapist
Your therapist respects boundaries
You’re moving towards your goals
You feel listened to
You’re doing better in life
Your self-esteem is getting better
Is Online Therapy Easy to Use for Non-Tech-Savvy People?
Yes, it’s pretty simple to access sessions. You’ll need basic internet skills, such as opening and visiting the patient link sent to you via email. It’s similar to video chatting like Facetime or Zoom. We can also walk you through it on the phone the first time to ensure a strong connection
What Questions Should I Ask My New Therapist?
Feel free to ask anything. Some good questions are:
- How often will we meet?
- What do you specialize in?
- What experience do you have with my issue?
- What outcomes can I expect?
- How will I know I’m progressing?
- How long do you usually work with clients?
- How will we set my treatment goals?
How Should I Prepare for My First Session?
Showing up is all that you need to do! But if you really want to get the most out of session, it could help to take some time to think about what you want from therapy. It helps to write down your goals, questions you have or things that you feel are important to share.
What is the difference between associate therapists & fully licensed therapists?
Our Qualifications:
Our founder, Rebecca Sidoti, is a highly qualified, state-licensed therapist and supervisor with extensive training in anxiety related disorders and innovative treatment such as Ketamine Therapy. Mind by Design Counseling adheres to standards set by the our governing counseling boards.
To see each providers credentials, training and licenses, visit our “Meet the Therapists” Page to learn more.
- LAC/LSW are therapists who may practice clinical work under the supervision of a fully licensed therapist.
- LPC/LCSW are therapists who have completed the necessary clinical hours post-graduation under supervision and can practice clinical work independently.
What Geographic Areas Are Served?
Currently, we serve clients in New Jersey and are expanding to other states as telehealth laws evolve. While telehealth offers the convenience of attending sessions from anywhere, state laws require clients to be in-state during their session.
Is Virtual Counseling Suitable for Everyone?
Online therapy might not be as effective for individuals with chronic suicidal thoughts, severe trauma, significant mental health history, or those recently in intensive care. Such cases often benefit more from traditional, in-person counseling. We’ll help you decide if our online services are right for you during your intake and evaluation.
What Equipment is Needed for Online Therapy?
To join a session, log in using the credentials we provide. No downloads are needed. Our platform, compatible with both individual and group sessions, requires:
A computer or mobile device with a webcam and internet access.
We’ll help you test your setup before your first appointment to ensure a reliable connection. iOS users should use the Safari browser for mobile and tablet sessions.
What Questions Will Therapists Ask Me?
It depends on your goals. Expect questions about your thoughts, feelings, relationships, work, school, and health. They’ll ask to understand your therapy goals.
How Do You Keep Client Information Secure?
Security and Confidentiality of Sessions:
Your privacy is crucial to us. We use TherapyNotes, a HIPAA-compliant platform, ensuring secure and confidential teletherapy sessions. This platform’s security features include encrypted video connections, secure data transfers, and encrypted databases, ensuring your information is safe at all times.
What is VRT used for?
we use VRT to support Exposure Therapy, a long standing traditional therapy modality to treat phobias, anxiety and stress. we send a headset directly to your home so you can access VRT from anywhere.
VRT not only helps with exposure therapy for phobias, but is great for ADHD, mindfulness, PTSD and social anxiety.