How to Know When to Break Up & When to Stick it Out
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Rebecca Sidoti, LCSW
VR Therapist
OCD & Anxiety Expert
Kristin Justice, LAC
Grief & Loss
Women’s Mental Health
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Caroline Goodhines
Maria Rice
Denise Spivey
Unfortunately, there’s isn’t a “when to break up” playbook. However, I find comfort and clarity the lyrics of vintage punk rock bands. They’re typically my go-to for weeding through feelings (other than my training as a therapist, I guess). And The Clash really sum up the familiar difficulty of navigating love in their song “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?”:
🎶
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay, it will be double
So come on and let me know
Should I stay, or should I go
🎶
Recognizing the Signs:
When To Break Up
Deciphering between a relationships natural fluctuations versus recognizing when to break up can be a challenging endeavor. However, certain indicators are unmistakable. It’s common for individuals in a relationship to ponder occasionally about the longevity and health of their partnership.
Relationships are hard. Every couple experiences their share of challenges, and it’s normal to question the compatibility with your partner, even when you share a deep love. But how do you discern if these doubts are mere passing clouds or if they signal the end of your relationships journey? This article delves into the signs that suggest a relationship may have reached its conclusion and offers guidance on what steps to take if reconciliation seems unattainable.
The On-Again, Off-Again Cycle
The back-and-forth dynamic of breaking up and reuniting, reminiscent of adolescent relationships, loses its charm in adulthood. This pattern often masks deeper issues that remain unaddressed, leading to a cycle of unresolved conflict.
Misaligned Values
Differences in core values, such as family planning or lifestyle choices, can be a significant indicator that the relationship may not withstand the test of time.
Lack of Effort & Care
If the effort to maintain the relationship and the concern for your partner’s well-being have dwindled, it could be a sign that the emotional connection has weakened.
Growing Apart
Changes and growth are natural, but they can also lead to a widening gap between partners. If you find it increasingly difficult to connect or share interests, it might be a sign that you’re moving in different directions.
Constant Conflict
Relationships with persistent arguments and conflicts, especially those that escalate into disrespect, can severely impact emotional health and may be a clear sign that the relationship isn’t a healthy one.
One-Sided Relationship
Relationships rely on two-way sacrifices and compassion, but it should always be a give-and-take. If you find yourself consistently compromising without reciprocation, it might lead to an imbalance that fosters resentment and dissatisfaction.
Abuse in Any Form
Any form of abuse, whether physical, emotional, or mental, is a glaring red flag that the relationship is toxic and harmful.
Eroding Trust
Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. If you’re constantly doubting your partner’s honesty or feel compelled to monitor their activities, it can take a toll on your emotional well-being and the health of your relationship.
Loss Of Self-Esteem or Identity
Healthy relationships should uplift you. If being with your partner leads to a decrease in self-esteem or brings out negative aspects of your personality, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.
Unmet Needs
Effective communication is vital in a relationship. If you find yourself longing for affection or a more fulfilling connection, it may indicate that your needs are not being met.
Salvaging a Relationship:
When to Stick it Out
Not all the signs mentioned necessitate an immediate break up, especially if love still exists in the relationship. Consider these strategies to see if the relationship can be rejuvenated…
Open & Honest Communication
Addressing issues in relationships head-on through sincere and open dialogue can pave the way for understanding and improvement.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Sometimes, external help from a relationship therapist can provide the necessary tools and perspective to navigate through challenges.
Aligning your "why"
Revisiting what brought you together and prioritizing each other can help in reestablishing a strong connection.
Forgiveness & Reconciliation
Assess if both partners are willing to forgive past grievances and work towards a healthier relationship dynamic.
The Decision to Part Ways:
How to Approach a Break Up
If all efforts seem futile, and a breakup appears to be the only viable option, it may help to consider these steps…
Give Yourself Time To Think
Think about the practical aspects, such as living arrangements and financial considerations, before initiating the breakup.
Clear & Respectful Communication
Be honest about your feelings while avoiding unnecessary harshness or blame.
Choosing the Right Setting
Opt for a private and neutral location to have the conversation, ensuring it’s respectful and considerate.
Managing the Breakup
Prepare for various reactions and stay firm in your decision, while maintaining respect and empathy.
Post-Break Up:
Handling the Emotional Aftermath
Knowing when to break up is hard, but breaking up can be even harder. Ending a relationship is never easy, even if you’re the one initiating the break up. Here are some ways to navigate through the post-breakup phase:
Allow yourself to Grieve
Recognize that grieving is a natural process and give yourself time to heal.
Focus on Personal Growth
Relationships end, sometimes leaving us feeling lonely and unsure. Use this time to rediscover yourself and pursue interests that you may have put aside.
Seek Support
Lean on friends, family, or professional counselors for support and guidance.
Final Thoughts on Breaking 💔 Up...
Understanding when to end a relationship is a complex and emotional journey. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and happiness is crucial. By focusing on your personal growth and healing, you can navigate through this challenging time with grace and resilience.
FAQ's about Online Therapy
How do I get started as a new client?
New Clients can reach out to us directly via call, text or email here:
What is your cancellation policy?
We ask that clients provide at least 24 hours notice in the event that they need to cancel to avoid the 50% cancellation fee. we understand that life happens and do our best to be flexible & reschedule.
Does my insurance cover my visits?
We provide”Courtesy Billing” for clients who are using the Out-of-network insurance benefits.
Our Insurance Page shares a small blurb about Why We Left Insurance Panels
Do you offer traditional talk therapy?
of course! though we have some unconventional therapy approaches, we are rooted in evidenced based practices. Talk therapy is a major player in the therapy room! See What we Treat and Integrative Services for more information
Is Online Therapy As Effective As In-Person Therapy?
Online therapy is essentially face-to-face counseling, just conducted remotely. Studies show that teletherapy is as effective as traditional counseling. Professional organizations and state governments recognize its benefits and have set regulations for it. However, like any therapy, its success in achieving your goals isn’t guaranteed. It’s important to discuss with your therapist whether teletherapy is working for you.
Can I Change Therapists If I'm Not Happy?
Yes, you can switch therapists to another provider within the practice, or we can provide you a referral if preferred. We want to ensure that your time and effort are well spent, and that you are getting the relief you need, that’s why we work collaboratively with each other in the practice, as well as outside therapists who we know and trust.
How Do I Know If Therapy Is Helping?
You should feel like you’re making progress. Signs it’s working include:
Feeling comfortable talking to your therapist
Your therapist respects boundaries
You’re moving towards your goals
You feel listened to
You’re doing better in life
Your self-esteem is getting better
Is Online Therapy Easy to Use for Non-Tech-Savvy People?
Yes, it’s pretty simple to access sessions. You’ll need basic internet skills, such as opening and visiting the patient link sent to you via email. It’s similar to video chatting like Facetime or Zoom. We can also walk you through it on the phone the first time to ensure a strong connection
What Questions Should I Ask My New Therapist?
Feel free to ask anything. Some good questions are:
- How often will we meet?
- What do you specialize in?
- What experience do you have with my issue?
- What outcomes can I expect?
- How will I know I’m progressing?
- How long do you usually work with clients?
- How will we set my treatment goals?
How Should I Prepare for My First Session?
Showing up is all that you need to do! But if you really want to get the most out of session, it could help to take some time to think about what you want from therapy. It helps to write down your goals, questions you have or things that you feel are important to share.
What is the difference between associate therapists & fully licensed therapists?
Our Qualifications:
Our founder, Rebecca Sidoti, is a highly qualified, state-licensed therapist and supervisor with extensive training in anxiety related disorders and innovative treatment such as Ketamine Therapy. Mind by Design Counseling adheres to standards set by the our governing counseling boards.
To see each providers credentials, training and licenses, visit our “Meet the Therapists” Page to learn more.
- LAC/LSW are therapists who may practice clinical work under the supervision of a fully licensed therapist.
- LPC/LCSW are therapists who have completed the necessary clinical hours post-graduation under supervision and can practice clinical work independently.
What Geographic Areas Are Served?
Currently, we serve clients in New Jersey and are expanding to other states as telehealth laws evolve. While telehealth offers the convenience of attending sessions from anywhere, state laws require clients to be in-state during their session.
Is Virtual Counseling Suitable for Everyone?
Online therapy might not be as effective for individuals with chronic suicidal thoughts, severe trauma, significant mental health history, or those recently in intensive care. Such cases often benefit more from traditional, in-person counseling. We’ll help you decide if our online services are right for you during your intake and evaluation.
What Equipment is Needed for Online Therapy?
To join a session, log in using the credentials we provide. No downloads are needed. Our platform, compatible with both individual and group sessions, requires:
A computer or mobile device with a webcam and internet access.
We’ll help you test your setup before your first appointment to ensure a reliable connection. iOS users should use the Safari browser for mobile and tablet sessions.
What Questions Will Therapists Ask Me?
It depends on your goals. Expect questions about your thoughts, feelings, relationships, work, school, and health. They’ll ask to understand your therapy goals.
How Do You Keep Client Information Secure?
Security and Confidentiality of Sessions:
Your privacy is crucial to us. We use TherapyNotes, a HIPAA-compliant platform, ensuring secure and confidential teletherapy sessions. This platform’s security features include encrypted video connections, secure data transfers, and encrypted databases, ensuring your information is safe at all times.
What is VRT used for?
we use VRT to support Exposure Therapy, a long standing traditional therapy modality to treat phobias, anxiety and stress. we send a headset directly to your home so you can access VRT from anywhere.
VRT not only helps with exposure therapy for phobias, but is great for ADHD, mindfulness, PTSD and social anxiety.